Costa Fortuna
"Costa Fortuna" in Katakolon, Greece
Bari (Italy) - Katakolon/Olympia (Greece) - Santorini (Greece) - Rhodos/Lindos (Greece) - Dubrovnik (Croatia)
13. - 20. June 2011
What do you expect from a cruise?
- Mentally and physically relaxing, unforgettable, perhaps even somewhat romantic days in the company of sophisticated people blessed with manners, etiquette, taste and the ability of cultured and intelligent small talk?
- Or would you feel more comfortable after a 2½ hours check-in in a rather "down-earth" atmosphere? You know, like strolling along the pedestrian zone of your home town on a sunny Saturday morning somewhere between the all and everywhere alike lurid clothing stores, the cell-phone shops, the junk food joints...? Mercilessly and inescapably faced up to the sight of vertically erected, more or less human-like meatloaves? Bodies that, on one hand, reflect as abhorrent as shamelessly-careless abundance and gluttony in all of its offensive atrocity, on the other hand an infinite lack of good taste and style plus a total absence of considerateness for others by ruthlessly exposing massive potbellies, bloated "love handles" and multilayered overlapping blubber. Bodies, up North more or less mercifully covered by vividly colored, often far too courageous tops; down South remorselessly revealing pale, hairy, varices-adorned bow legs, scuffing their horny skinned-feet with rooty toes and bosselated, potato chips-like nails into bars, restaurants or stores of any grade or class in fashionable flip-flops or trendy neon-colored crocks
How do you prefer to dine?
- In a distinguished environment, attended by a likewise professionally conscientious as courteously discreet service personnel?
- Or embedded into a generally tumultuous, occasionally hectic mass feeding machinery, rigidly dominating and meticulously regulating all predetermined steps?
How do you define ambience and entertainment?
- Is it subtle, low-key lounge music? Is it mellow and appealing background melodies? Is it cozy seating areas where you can enjoy a drink or three in a peaceful and relaxed atmosphere?
- Or is it an omnipresent, never-ending and brutally noisy, frenetically yelling and trampling acoustic irradiation, leaving you no chance to escape no matter where you go? Topped by animations and "events" whose content and substance insult any half-way intact intelligence? Entertainment highlights such as the chicken dance and polonaises; hysterically shrill moderated Bingo games and nonstop "hossa hossa", D. J. Wetfart or Mallorca "Ballermann" pop songs?
Do you like strolling?
- Do you like to stroll hand in hand with the lady of your heart around the several decks of your floating hotel to see what's to explore?
- Or do you prefer to arduously push and shove yourself through masses of disoriented human bodies day after day? Frantically holding your partner's hand not to lose her, constantly having to defend yourself against over-eager (not to say annoying) ship photographers, squeezing yourself through crew members costumed as pizza, as baby with a pacifier in his mouth or as clown with a yellowish-green wig, navigating around baby buggies and confused meatloaves not knowing where to turn to next to grab another bite, getting around cosmetics sales ladies presenting applicable youth and beauty and eventually coming to a gridlock at passageways artificially narrowed by rummage tables filled with trendy purses and (allegedly) discounted sun glasses and low-priced jewelry.
Do you enjoy interesting excursions?
- Do you enjoy informative and instructional excursions to get a bit more familiar with the culture and way of life of your host country and its people?
- Or do you have a craving for rushing on the double through/along a selected place of interest, provided with roughly 60 minutes of time, being part of a group in the middle of a dozen of other groups talking in as many other languages, yet being at the same mercy of their tour guides as you? Along those "natives" that you actually wanted to study? Whose expressive looks grant you easy access to their thoughts about the "blitz tourists" oozing out of the recently landed cruise ship. And that counter the stampede of one or two thousand co-occurring people in their rather narrow 'cause historic old town with an admirable extent of a more or less idiosyncratic, at least yet profitable hospitality. While your eyes anxiously swap between the nicely displayed offered cultural goods of your host country and the "Costa" orientation sign, occasionally upheld somewhere far ahead in the throng of people by your tour guide that, more or less enthusiastic but always in a merciless hurry, trots out a compulsory program regardless of your desire to slow down and watch a little while. Evidently not always well compensated because although prepaid we could not always escape the additionally held out hat.
What should not remain unmentioned here in this context: the feeding in Bari, Italy, with anticipatively announced "delicacies characteristic for the country" consisted of a scoop of lukewarm noodles, sloppily dumped onto a plastic plate, and a glass of water in a plastic cup -to be enjoyed standing on the torrid Bari city wall without any shady place in sight because the few chairs of this "restaurant" were still mostly occupied by the group that came before us.
Still wanna go for it? With Costa?
Very well then. Get a load of this:
- We faced a state of perpetual coffee emergency in the breakfast restaurant "Michelangelo" that even grotesque waving and beseeching eye contact with the waiter could not effectively resolve. Since also the quality of the breakfast buffet was not really convincing, we did not return to this restaurant anymore after that experience.
- The coffee in the self-service breakfast restaurant was that awful that it deserves to be mentioned here. This, however, was occasionally of no further consequence since you couldn't get any coffee anyhow. On Saturday June 18, 2011, the "day on sea", for example, right in the middle of the main breakfast hype at 8:30 in the morning, 2 of the coffee machines were in "washing mode", a third one's empty and a forth one's display begged for mercy by showing a crossed-out coffee cup symbol during its occasional short "ready for brewing" cycles. So we had to turn to the expensive yet palatable coffee at the bar to get a decent morning fix.
- As positive, obliging and professional I felt about the cabin crew and the waiters/waitresses at the evening dinner table, as reluctant and unwilling the waiters behind the miscellaneous bars seemed to do their jobs. Most of them served rather halfheartedly, elliptically and with an out of place blasé attitude.
- The livestock mass feeding at lunch time - I just cannot put it any other way - in the self-service restaurant was gross and simply unbearable. Something that vulgar and tasteless I wouldn't even expect to see at an "all you can stuff into your face for 1 € at the local McDonald's store. Just for that one should dispossess the Costa Fortuna 2 of its 4 stars.
- The (free-of-charge) drinking water from the self-service restaurant's vending machines appeared to be chlorinated. At any rate it stank, and it was basically undrinkable.
A conclusion?
- Are you realist now?
- Or still naïve? Well, then you may confidently book Costa... it'll bring you back down to earth, into the shabby reality of the mass tourism industry!
Why this publication?
Well, since the German-speaking contact person on board the Costa Fortuna chirpyly advised us in the course of a passenger information event to only mark the "excellent" ratings on the final trip questionnaire in order to say "thank you" to the crew and informed us that the automated scan software ignores all other filled out ratings anyhow, how many more possibilities does a not so happy customer have?
Evidently the holding company is only interested in finding out how many "excellent" ratings it can statistically achieve and how close they eventually can make it to the supposed top ranking. Any other ratings and customer opinions, most likely including the filled out "suggestions/comments" section, remain without relevance for the evaluation.
Characteristic, isn't it? Sort of completes the picture of Costa...
Isn't that a bit like barking up a tree even though it doesn't have any green leaves left?